Some people say it’s the big things that matter in life. The big jesters. Like buying your spouse a new car and surprising them, or the vacation to Belize. Some people say it’s the little thing jesters that matter. Like opening the car door or any door. Picking flowers from the road side because they’re pretty and you know your wife will love them. I’m the little things kind of person. Doing things that are unexpected but mean the most. Coming in to say I don’t have to cook supper because he wants to take me out. Helping clean the kitchen without asking. Heck just letting the dogs in and out would mean so much to me. Or a Thank you honey for all you do. You have to give respect to get to get respect. Respect does have to be earned! You can’t expect people to give you respect if you’re not going to give it back.
I feel like when you do the little things for your spouse well, you earn that respect. They see how much they mean to you! How much love you have for them! I’m not allowed to drive the car that has my name on it and I pay half the payment on. If Clayton parks behind me and it’s pouring down rain he’ll go move it so I don’t drive it! And if I do get lucky enough to drive it then I’m expected to put the seat, mirrors, and radio back like I found it. Well, I got a new to me car and he decided he’d drive it without asking or even just telling me and he didn’t put the seat, mirrors or radio back like he found it. And even though I was mad as heck I played it off and joked around with him about it. Yes, his name is on it but his money will not be making a half payment. See, if I could get in my truck and drive it whenever this would be no big deal. He complains about me running out his gas but I assure you he has no issue running out mine. To must couples things like this aren’t a big deal. And again it wouldn’t be if Clayton treated me right.
Clayton walks around the house and everything in it is his. Because it’s his house and he makes the payments! So for him that gives him free range to do whatever he wants! But no one else has that same right! He puts his keys and wallet on the dresser. If I lay a sock on the dresser because it’s mate is being washed, he throws it on the bed and starts saying hateful things and reminding me that, that’s his space and nothing goes there. Even though it’s the weekend and he’s not going anywhere. I’m going to put the sock away as soon as the other one is dry. If I lay my brush down on his side if the sink he’ll toss it to my side making a mess when it knocks over everything else. He puts his pants on my office chair knowing that I don’t like it. I to explain to him that my chair isn’t the closet. I tried to calmly explain to him how he feels about the dresser is how I feel about my chair and I wish that he would just listen for once and treat me the way I’m expected to treat him!
See it’s the little things that make the biggest impact! If Clayton would give me the respect that I’m supposed to give to him, things would be so much better. But unfortunately that’s not how a narcissist works! They are all about themselves, not caring about anyone else. They show more empathy for strangers or people they see on the news than they have for the people in their life! They don’t understand how to love and respect anyone. They don’t know how to meet in the middle. Clayton was raised that he could do whatever he wanted and actually did whatever he wanted. He tells stories of his childhood and acts like his parents should’ve cared. And kind of brags about how they didn’t. By not disciplining him and just letting him do whatever turned him into who he is today! By not doing the little and big things as parents they didn’t make sure he learned respect! Now he’s a grown man who thinks everything is his, and that people owe him something. He’s missing out on what life has given him! He’s missing out on the little things that I have to offer him! He’s missing out on pure happiness!
He’s body is breaking down. He’s losing his strength. He’s lost his family, he just doesn’t realize it! More importantly his going to miss out on heaven! I don’t say that because he doesn’t respect me or love me. I say that because he isn’t saved! He doesn’t talk to God and ask for help or direction! A man who loves God will love his wife! And that’s goes the same way with women! Now I love God! I do everything I can to love show love to Clayton! But every now and then when I’ve had enough…well I’ve had enough and I say and do things that start a fight! Then I beg God’s forgiveness! People like Clayton make it hard to love them and want to do things with them much less for them! I heard a song and the only part I can remember is ” God is Power over darkness” that’s the most important thing to remember! In Job 2:10 NIV. Job is talking to his wife and says to her ” Shall we accept good from God and not the trouble” I’m in a trouble time right now! Barely hanging on! Crying out to God to help me and telling Him every feeling and every thought! If I don’t I can easily go into a dark place! I refuse to let Satan have that power over me! God will show up and do a little thing to show me His love for me! Because even our Lord and Savior knows that it’s the little things that show the most love!
