There’s always a time in our lives where we feel alone and defeated. I was at this point in my life. I was grabbing for straws hoping to find one long enough and strong enough to hold me up. I was recently divorced for the third time and was trying to feel the void of loss once again. I was drinking a lot, smoking a pack of cigarettes a day maybe more. Working and taking care of my two teenage kids. They had jobs and were helping pay the bills and always had friends over. I was the “cool” parent. Yet I never realized that I wasn’t being the parent I was supposed to be. One night I found myself and my ex best friends house ( well it was a mutual friend of ours she didn’t have a home to call so she was staying there), anyway, this guy that her and I both know wanted to meet up with her we’ll call him Stan ( I knew Stan from when I used to go out with my cousin and his party crowd) well Stan had his best friend with him we’ll call him Clayton. I knew Clayton through these same mutual friends but never hung out with him. I do however remember seeing Clayton a few years back and thinking “This man just gives off evil vibes!” I wanted nothing to do with that! But, jump ahead years later and remember I’m in a dark place and was drinking a lot so I told my friend to invite them over! Heck, I didn’t want to be alone while she was entertaining. Clayton and I stayed up literally all night long just talking about life and our past and bad choices we made and how we wanted better futures. Clayton had told me about how this girl he had been seeing ( but wasn’t anymore) was pregnant and how he was pretty sure it was his but she had cheated and he didn’t want to be with her but he would take care of the baby if it was his. I really didn’t think that much about it and he and I continued to talk and get close. There were a few red flags but again I didn’t think to much about it I knew that he had been hurt and so had I so I was trying to be understanding and caring of his feelings. He made me laugh, always wanted to spend time with me. I felt seen and heard and appreciated. I stood by his side while someone was putting him through the ringer carrying his baby! She didn’t know about me but I knew about her! People thought I was crazy but I didn’t care! I had a good man and that’s all that mattered! It wasn’t till after the baby was born that things started taking a turn for the worse!
How it all began
