It’s very hard to watch Clayton treat me or say things to me like how the electric bill is higher or why I didn’t breakdown boxes and take them to the trash. Things like that. He will yell at Rose for lights on in her room when she walks out just to say something to me or go get a snack. I told him over the weekend that he needed to but his focus on Addi and the fact that she turns on all the kitchen lights and the garage light on or the fact that she throws her boxes in the living room behind the couch and he makes her son pick up her mess or that fact that we can’t sit down at the table to have a family supper because her laundry has been there over a month! I told Clayton that he needs to talk to the person who is the real problem not me! It’s very frustrating! I know that a husband and wife team are suppose to be there for each other to listen to the other complain. And I have no problem doing that! BUT as her dad it’s still his job to make sure she is being responsible and respectful of our house! If this were Haley or Preston living here and they acted like Addi…oohhhh man! Clayton would make me throw them out! He would not allow such disrespect!
As upsetting as it all is I have a God who is loving me through all of this mess! He shows me grace and mercy everyday! He is always there for me to talk to and to share my feelings! All I have to do is trust in Him and keep my eyes on Him! Do you know the story of Job? Job was a rich man. He had everything he could ever want. A wife, kids, farm, and animals, people who worked the fields. In Bible times, Job was like a modern day billionaire. Job was very faithful to God. Satan wanted to show God that he could make anyone turn away from God and make them curse God. So God took everything from Job, killed Job’s family (except his wife) took away his farm. Job tore off his clothes and rolled around in the dirt and cried out to God that he was not worthy. Job’s wife and even his best friends tried to get Job to curse God for suddenly turning His back on Job. God didn’t turn His back on Job. God knew that Job’s faith and trust was strong enough that no matter what happened in Job’s life he would never turn his eyes away from God.
God wants us to have faith and trust just like Job did. Satan is living among us and wanting us all to turn away from God! Satan and his demons have worked overtime in Clayton’s life! He allows them to live rent free in his head which reflects his heart! It’s very sad to watch. I try every single day to make sure I talk to God and to lay my burdens at His feet! I have to have faith like Job! I have to trust my God and Savior that he will bring me through this nightmare that I’m in. And I already know that He will and that He has a wonderful future for me and Rose. Clayton’s health is declining and I’m noticing some small changes. We aren’t fighting as much and when I tell him that I wish he would talk to Addi about how she keeps our house a clutter mess he doesn’t get defensive like he use to and doesn’t get mad like he used to. She can do no wrong in his eyes so it makes things very hard!
It’s in the hard times of our life that we really need to call upon the Lord, and not just ask for a way out but to thank him for putting us in that situation. People say that they learn from their mistakes and grow from them. But when you do that make sure that you thank the Lord for putting you there so that you could learn and grow. I’m telling you that over the last ten years I myself have grown up! And I thank God every day for this place in life that He needed me to be no matter how hard and mentally exhausting it has been. We are never alone in our valley! God is always with us holding our hand! We just need to make sure we don’t let go!
Another Bible story of faith is about Ruth and her devotion to her mother in law Naomi. After Naomi lost her husband and sons she was going back to Bethlehem and she told her daughter in laws to go back to their hometown. But Ruth didn’t want to she loved Naomi and trusted her. Even though it was a foreign land to Ruth! If you don’t know the stories of Job and Ruth I encourage you to read your Bible. They both have books named after them so they are easy to find. If you know the stories then I encourage you to read and study them again to help you find your faith and trust in God again or just renew it! When you’re having a hard time just remember these two and how God took care of them! He’ll do the same thing for you! Oh and Job…God blessed him double of what he had before!
