This is Mimi Davis…I am a mother of three beautiful children, and a wife. I started this blog to share my current situation with others out there who maybe struggling with a controlling, narcissistic spouse. This has been a long hard road. I have these journal entries but I also have my story posted as well. I have facebook page as well as an instagram page. Feel free to message me if you just need someone to talk to. I started keeping a journal back 2020. I would write down all the fights or just feelings that I was having with Clayton. I’m going to share those with ya’ll. Looking through the journal I only recorded from May to July of 2020, but I know that I also have several notebooks that I’ve written things down in. I tried to keep things in date order. I wrote down my hard days with Clayton so that I could type them up in this blog and share with the world. Sadly I didn’t do a great job at it. I mean it’s 2023! The dates jump but I’m only sharing the fights. The dates that are missing are just me writing down things about my days or my thoughts on life. The BOLD will be my journal entry, Anyway, back in “May 20,2020 I was struggling with my attitude towards Clayton. And my devotion was about a brick building. Using God as my brick layer and His words as the cement that holds me all together! That’s what I took out of the devotion. The other devotion was about listening to God and knowing that His promises are true! Just have the faith in Him that’s all He asks from us. Don’t let the bad attitudes from others or the gossip drag you down. Instead turn your eyes to God. He will show you the way which is where I struggle with Clayton! I let his attitude and the way he treats me effect the way I act and feel. I take my eyes off God! I’m working on myself to keep my eyes on God and to keep my faith that He will bring the peace to my life that is missing. God has brought me through so many trials that I know He will bring me out of this one. I will have all three kids back in my life to stay and be as close to them as ever! I’m so excited about that day! There will be so much laughter and love! With God at the wheel we will travel far and wide together! And when I’m old and gray Rose will have her bubba and sister to guide her and teach her more about Papa God!!”
May 22,2020…..Yesterdays devotion was about God delivering you from a terrible situation. I know He has has His hands full with delivering me!! My situation right now isn’t the best and I am trying with all my might to have the strength I need to hang on while God prepares my future! Most days I can hide from the pain, but days I can’t are really hard! When I wake up the next morning to a devotion that I needed to help comfort me in the day ahead of me! I love how God is talking to me again and I feel Him again! I know that He hasn’t ever left me but I know I’ve been in a very dark place and He was waiting right outside the door! Waiting on me with more patience than I have with Him. That’s what is so great about God! He shows us how loving, kind, patient He si so that we can return all that to Him and to others in our life. Like being kind to those who wrong you even family, spouses or you children. Most of us carrying the bad feeling around everywhere they go! I know that I do that from time to time. But like the song says “God’s still working on me” The good news is He’ll never be done! Like fine wine we only get better with age! I work extra hard along with praying extra hard to NOT carrying all that bad energy around with me! I have more important things to think about! Like my new life with just me and my kids, living on the beach and teaching them more about God and how much He loves us and how He will provide for us! Teaching us how to tell others about Him and how he brought us through our struggles or terrible situations. We will be waling billboards for Papa God! So no more sitting and feeling sorry for myself and the bad marriage I’m in! My only purpose at this point is to love God and continue to live the life He in-stored for me. Which is to be a mamma to Rose like He told me to be and prepare for our future together! Along with Preston and Haley. God knows my life isn’t complete without all my babies. These are just a start to my journal entries. Not all of them are around my devotions. Some will be about the silly fights that Clayton likes to have. I’ll post more later.
May 26,2020……So it was Memorial Day weekend. I just hate weekends! Saturday went pretty good. We went shopping and as usual while me and Rose are looking at the items we wanted to Clayton got an attitude because I didn’t stop what I was doing to come see what he had found. Then Rose started crying because new cheer clothes wasn’t good enough for her! She wanted me to buy her a patio set! So of course I got frustrated! Clayton showed me all of his finds and then got mad at me because I wanted to go look for me so he put all of his things back! I went and paid for mine and Rose’s items and we left! If it’s not all focused on him he gets pouty and gets all mad like Rose who is 5! On Sunday we were suppose to go to my dads to plant seeds. Well at 8am Clayton is ready to go up there and tells Ben ( Clayton’s son) that he can go to so that Ben can look at the other deer stand. Which was fine except my dad didn’t know Ben was coming and it was 9am and I had told Clayton it was to early to go up and that I wanted to finish my last two loads of clothes before we went. So of course I have to call my dad because Clayton is just being a butt. And my dad said “Well it’s to early but I guess”. I mean just because Clayton is ready to go somewhere doesn’t mean that everyone is! So that caused a HUGE fight! I mean Clayton had asked me earlier what time I wanted to go and I did tell him after I got the clothes done! I did tell Clayton that he had no business telling Ben he could go up there so early! My daddy knew we were coming up but not that early in the morning! Clayton still has no clue he was wrong! He thought it was cute to say ” less bitching and more kitchen” which never did say sorry for even thinking it much less saying it!
May 27,2020…..Had a pretty good night last night. No fighting at least. Been going to bed at 8:30pm after I put Rose to bed just so I can be alone for a little bit before I fall asleep. It’s just gotten to the point that I just don’t want to be around Clayton at all! I know he wants sex because he keeps trying to touch me as I walk by and this morning he wanted a hug but what he really wants to do is to grope me. So I blocked him and only hugged for a second. When you treat your wife with zero respect and can’t say you’re sorry after fights rather you’re wrong or not….well I just want to be done!! And I sure don’t want to be intimate with him! I do miss that part of my life but I’m also fine without it! Sex has destroyed so much of my life!! I could really care less. But anyway, one of my devotions this morning talked about forgiveness for yourself! And that saying “I’m sorry” to someone isn’t about right or wrong! It’s about caring about the relationship more than your ego. I wish Clayton would learn that. Our whole marriage would change if he did! I have to learn to forgive myself for my past mistakes and move forward which I’ve been working on for 5 months now!
May 28, 2020…….Addi came by yesterday afternoon. I was telling her about Clayton and what he said to me! Clayton told me that my “place” was in the kitchen! I’ve been trying not to cuss so much. I mainly do when I’m mad, not that, that’s an a excuse. But I’m so proud of myself for it! But I know Papa God has forgiven me and will help work on that. Last night Clayton asked if I wanted to do yard work( it was after supper) I told him I would no longer be doing yard work since my “place” was in the kitchen. He just starred at me. I said “you STILL haven’t said you were sorry.” He then began to tell me how he was joking. I made sure to tell him that he never should have said it and that no one jokes during a fight. So until did the right thing he would be doing yard work alone. Clayton of course got upset! But ya know, to bad! Don’t talk to your wife that! I also told him that he cared more about his ego than he about our marriage! He had nothing to say but he never does when I’m right and he knows it! I know I should have a different attitude but…I don’t! I didn’t write down the fight and I don’t remember what it was about. Usually it was just a repeat of past fights or something dumb!
May 29,2020……Rose spent the night with Papa and Mimi last night. Man it was nice! Relaxing not having to keep getting up for her and no whining! But I sure do miss her! She’ll be back tonight to get me in check. I love that child with every ounce of me but, it’s nice to have that time that’s mine. Not that I have on exciting life but, the quiet time is great! So, one of my devotions today was about not worrying about up’s and down’s of life but to focus on the finish line ( God). I have noticed that in the mornings after Clayton goes to work that I’m no longer hacked off about the dumb stuff he does. Like pulling open the shower curtain. Everyone knows to close it! It makes your bathroom look nicer. But since he’s a 51 year old man who STILL takes baths he has no clue! Or the way he can’t put the peanut butter jar back where it goes after he uses it. I know I’m still going to worry but it’s not as bad and I’m getting better everyday! Thank you Papa God for helping me! My 2nd devotion was about being attentive, loyal, and willing. When it comes to doing what Jesus wants/needs us to do or be. I learned a lot about John the Baptist in the few minutes I had this morning. He was a true friend to Jesus! He was always there for Him when He needed no matter what! A kind of friend that we all want in life. One who is always just a phone call away! I decided that I want to be like that with God! A true friend! I know I cant be that person to a friend that I see because I have been that loyal person! But I’ve never been that loyal friend to God before! So, that’s what I’m going to try and do. I know I’m going fail sometimes but I also know that I will get back up and try again. Keep that finish line in sight! I love when the tow devotions come together like they did today. I know that’s Papa God doing His work on me! Thank you! Thank you!! This weekend will be a true test. I’ve made it clear that I hate the weekends. Always about Clayton, always about working in the yard to suit him, listening to him yell at Rose! I’m just over it all! But, I’m going to work on my attentive, loyal, and willing to look for that finish line! Doing what God needs me to do even it’s being nice to a man I despise! Yes despise! I know it’s being two faced. Loving God and working to be more like Him , while hating my husband. But that is what I will be working on everyday! Being better than the day before!
June 1, 2020…..So of course like I said the weekend would be awful! Friday night we didn’t have Rose again so I said we could have a date night. Well that went over like a lead balloon! Clayton started complaining about having to wear a mask. And when I told him that he never does anything for me, well he told me that I was being rude! Made it through Saturday fine. I just cleaned the whole house so I didn’t have to be around him. That night we ordered from Chili’s, well they forgot his corn on the cob. He told me to call them, and of course I did. I guess his phone didn’t work..ugh! I called them before I had even taken my first bite. Chili’s offered me a gift card. On Sunday I had to go to Wal-Mart and I was hoping he would stay home, but of course he didn’t. He was all about that gift card! After I went in and got the cards (2 $10) we to Wal-Mart. He wasn’t turning off the car or getting out. I asked him if he was coming in with me and he replied with a “yea after I see what your doing with the gift cards.” I was putting them in my purse. Well all hell broke loose! He started being mean and talking mean all the way into the store and in the store. He actually went back to the car while I finished shopping! Ya see I stole HIS money! Clayton paid for the meal and those cards were his! I honestly couldn’t believe I was hearing this!! I didn’t know that corn on the cob cost $20! I didn’t know I was a thief! I told him that I didn’t know what he was afraid of! I asked him if he thought that I was going to use the cards without him? The blank look on his face when I asked him that told me the answer was yes! He gets a blank look when I’m right about anything! I mean why would I do that? He has kept me away from my friends, tries to keep me away from my family. The only people I could take out there would be him, Rose or Clayton’s dad! I would never go to Chili’s without Clayton! Papa takes me and Rose to breakfast before we take her to school but that’s it! We fought for hours over this! So I went and got the cards and threw them at him telling him that I’m no thief! I told him that I thought we were in a married unit and not him vs. me! I tried to explain that to him but he just doesn’t get it! His first wife left him and took everything. So, Clayton thinks if he doesn’t control everything it’ll happen again! Six years later I’m still paying for what she did to him! I went back over and over that I’m not her and he can’t make me pay for what she did to him! And that I left him once and didn’t take anything so why would I leave again and take anything! I don’t want anything he has!! He thinks that just because I have a debt card on his dad’s account that I’m stealing from him! Which I’m not! The only reason I have the card is because of covid and I was ordering our food online and I needed it. I never spent any money unless Papa knew about it! I have a job! I have my own money! Plus I’ve been balancing Papa’s money for 3yrs and it’s never been an issue before (Papa like to write hot checks). Because now I can go to the store without Papa all of a sudden I’m stealing from him! Clayton actually accused me of being a control freak! The one who didn’t have a job in four years and the one who isn’t allowed to go anywhere alone and if I do Clayton calls me every ten minutes! So, yes I guess I’m controlling! Everyday is getting harder than the one before! God is the only one getting me through this! Clayton talked me out of my car told me he thought I wanted us to be a family and if we did we needed something with more room. What the truth is that I had gotten the car with my ex husband and Clayton couldn’t stand that! After we moved into our current house he made a plan to kill my dogs that I had with my ex husband and he did just that! Addi told me the truth after it all happened! He had bought a special rat poison and my dogs had found a mouse and started playing with it and they also got affected by the poison and the vet couldn’t do anything. He had never heard of that kind and didn’t know how to treat them! Addi knew and didn’t bother to tell me! I could have went out behind him and picked it all up! It pisses me off she didn’t tell me! Clayton lies about it but I know it’s true! It’s just never ending with him! I don’t know how much more I can take! Rose is at that age of always telling me NO and whining all the time, my husband thinks I’m a thief! It’s all I can do not to throw in the towel! I told him that my karma has came back to get me and when his does he isn’t going to like it! I told him he has a lot to answer for! I was crying my eyes out and he tries to hug me! I told him not to touch me until he apologizes to me! He dropped his arms and tells me that I needed to apologize! Really!!!! I reminded him that I didn’t start this fight and I didn’t accuse him of anything! He didn’t say sorry and just walked off and never said another word! We can no longer get take out due to me stealing his free money over a piece of corn! I guess Friday and Saturdays we will starve to death because I will not cook supper! Those are my nights off! Good luck to him!
June 4,2020…..So I took Rose to Addi’s house to spend the night. I was in a hurry and rolled through a stop which I got a ticket for. I wanted to be upset with myself but I did deserve it. Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself. Anyway, I got home and it was a quiet night no doubt. No fighting hardly any talking. Went to bed before 9 p.m and was up a 5 a.m to make my coffee and spend my time with God. Clayton sends me a text about 45 minutes later saying ” You want some”. Of course I didn’t! Why would I? He has zero respect for me, only loves himself, never says he’s sorry for anything. Never has anything to do with me unless he “wants some”. So really why would I? Of course he has been told these reasons why but still does nothing to fix it! I’ve told him several times if he would make the effort to change some things to help us he would get “some” all the time! All women want is to be loved, appreciated, respected and treated like they are the world to their partner! And the rest is just the cherry on top! We will go above and beyond for our man! He will never understand how give and take works. He will never understand what it means to love, cherish, and respect your partner. I was just a warm body to help him take care of a baby, and someone he could take advantage of which he does and still does!
June 5.2020…..Had a good night last night. Rose had ball practice. Clayton actually talked to people instead of his normal moaning and groaning telling us what we can and can’t do like he owns us. It was nice to sit and laugh with friends and have a good time. When Rose got up to bat she hit the ball the first time! So proud of her! Clayton was of course “handsy” this morning. I just said “no I’m tired and need to shower”. I enjoy sex with him I really do! It’s just the way he treats me! I don’t want anything to do with him! It sucks, but it’s true! I’m so tired all the time! He doesn’t do anything to help take some of the stress off me! I take care of ALL things Rose, food, bath, clothes, she goes to work with me, and I put her to bed. I take care of his dad, food, pills, wash his clothes and bedding. Plus take care of the household chores. Cook all the meals, clean up after all the meals, take care of the dogs food, water and bath! And somewhere in all of this I have to take care of myself! Clayton comes home complains about having to mow the yard and take the trash out! He will wash a load of his clothes if I make him. I’m mentally, emotionally, and physically drained! I don’t have the strength to have sex! But he doesn’t understand why! It’s easier for him to accuse of cheating instead of seeing that HE is the problem or the lack of him is the problem! Take some of the load and be my partner instead of my enemy and see what happens! Just try it for a month! Yes, he has this knowledge but refuses to put it to use due do to it having a result in him seeing, and admitting his faults and seeing what a bad person and husband he has been to me! And he never ever will do that! It’s really sad what he’s missing out on that he doesn’t know he has!
June8,2020…..Another weekend down in the books. It was okay, more fighting! We went to a wedding shower for Rose’s aunt. Well, Rose meet a little girl about her age and Rose wanted to stay the night! That NEVER happens!! She has too much anxiety to stay anywhere without me! She wanted to stay and swim and play but we needed to get back home to check on Papa. But I was so excited that she wanted to stay the night that I got tunnel vision and didn’t pay attention to the little bit of drinking going on. A huge fight broke out on the way home about how I only care about pawning her off so I don’t have to deal with her. I mean I am the one taking care of her, Feeding, bathing her, she sits on me at night and not him! So yes, sometimes I need a break! Plus if I can get a break I try to just spend time with Clayton because I’m the only one who knows our marriage is broken so I keep hoping that he will take time with me other than to have sex and help me fix it! But he doesn’t he just finds reasons to fight with me. Clayton told me that I was selfish because I left her with a bunch of strangers who are drinking! Well, her grandparents and aunt aren’t any of those things! So I called her grandma and had her take Rose home with them to stay the night, and they did just that so Rose was safe. She wasn’t in danger in the first place! Clayton started in on how my family told him (when we first started dating) how I would come ( me, Haley and Preston lived out of state) and leave my kids with family and go sleeping around! Well FIRST of all my family doesn’t know anything about me or my life! SECONDLY when me and kids came home it was for a weekend visit only and we were ALWAYS together! I never stayed the night anywhere without them we were on a schedule and barely had time to visit anyone for any length of time! The only time my kids were here without me was a week here and there through the summer and maybe over Christmas break! And my family knows that, Clayton sure doesn’t because we didn’t even know each other then! But I was just an old whore all women are to him! I was married and never cheated on him! I ended up in bed about 8:30 that night. I mean he had already ruined the night anyway. Why would he want to spend the evening with an old whore and he could care less about spending time with me! It didn’t bother him that I went to bed until the next morning when he wanted sex. I was in the kitchen making my coffee he came in groping me. I told him I was making my coffee he’d have to wait. He tried to get an attitude saying how I wanted to spend time together and I went to bed early. I reminded him that he didn’t want to spend time with an old whore so what was the point of staying up. Clayton thinks that sex is the only way two people can spend time together! He doesn’t understand it’s more than just sex! I took my coffee to the pool house where I cried my eyes out to GOD and did my devotions! As much as I didn’t want to I came inside took off my pants and just laid there while he did his thing! It was like I was just an old whore there was no before sex no touching no kissing no nothing! Afterwards there was no physical touching no hugs, no hand holding. He hasn’t touched me since! I’m so tired of the fighting! If it’s not his way then it’s no way! I’m ready to be on my own! It’s hard making a marriage work when only one person knows it’s broke and the other won’t listen to you and help you fix it! My time with God every morning shows me what I need to work on for myself. I don’t know what it’s going to take to get Clayton to see he isn’t perfect and we have a problem! I don’t know how much more I can take! I have dreams that I would like to accomplish with him! That’s so sad that I can’t because he won’t help me! But one goal that he doesn’t need to know about is blogging about my life now. He won’t like that! It’s about him!
June 9,2020…..So yesterday Clayton came home early due to the rain. We were only home a few minutes before him and I was texting Addi to about her getting Rose tonight when Clayton walked through the door. Apparently I had a “deer caught in the headlights” look on my face, which I didn’t! I heard the door and it turned to look that simple. It startled me a little. That turned into him watching me make mine and Rose’s lunch for the next day and just doing my normal after work stuff. I set down to him still staring at me while I was on facebook. Then he starts with his investigating questions. Do you still wear the smart watch? Can you be on your phone at work? No Clayton I don’t still wear the watch it’s turned off it’s never been shut off. He was suppose to call and have it turned off since it had it’s own number. And no I can’t be on my phone at work! I have kids that have to have all my attention plus it goes against licensing rules! I told him to back off because he was about to start a fight and he had no reason to be acting this way! Clayton said you look like a deer caught in the headlights when I got home! No I didn’t you have to be guilty of something which I’m not to have that look! He stood over me while I cooked supper which he never does! Then asked me what Christine was doing up so early since she texted me at 7 a.m. I said IDK! Sometimes she can’t sleep and stays up all night. But I can’t really tell you! That question stemmed from the another question about being on my phone at work, and how guilty I looked when he came home! He checks the phone records when he thinks I’m lying to him or he thinks I’m cheating! That’s also why he asked about the watch. It goes to my phone when I get text or calls which was why there was data showing up. He just waits for me to screw up so he can throw me out and look like the bad guy!
June 10,2020….. Rose stayed the night with Addi last night. It was a quiet night, We bickered back and forth but nothing major. I went to Wal-Mart alone and he kept calling while I was shopping then kept calling me when I was headed home. Very nerve racking! I”M NOT CHEATING!!! I wish Clayton would get that through his head!! He calls me like that so it doesn’t give me a chance to talk if I wanted to! If he’s talking to me then I’m not talking to anyone else! Look, I’ve cheated in the past and I’ve been cheated on, but I’m 46 and I’m to old to keep up with relationships like that anymore! I don’t want the one I have much less another one! Anyway, I’m used to it! It’ll forever make me crazy but it’s okay! I’m so over answering to anyone but God! He is the only one I need or want to please! There is NOTHING worse than an insecure grown man!! Clayton could bring so much to the table if he just chill out! He used to anyway! That was just to hook me on the line! I’ve struggled seeing it over the last few years! He’s just way too needy too! He didn’t know how to pack chili dogs for his lunch! He just wanted me to do it! Papa God PLEASE PLEASE save me!! In the Name of Jesus!!
June 15,2020…..So let’s see, Friday went pretty well. I made Clayton help me cook supper since he wanted it. It was just pizza rolls so nothing hard. Then on Saturday I left before 9 a.m to go get my nails done and my hair done. It was like 1 p.m before I got back home. It was really nice to take some time for myself. Clayton watched Rose and he decided he to start tearing out the pool liner and got to hot and super pissy. Then he got mad at me for not wanting to get down in the pool to something we are paying someone to do! He’s afraid he’s going to half to pay more money and his trying not to do that! Clayton kept saying he was doing it out of respect! Well FIRST of all he has NO respect for anyone! And SECOND of all he already said he was doing it to save money! Make up your mind! Clayton and Rose both had attitudes I know it was because I was gone so long! But I tried my best to ignore both of them! But I finally broke! I walked away from Rose until she changed her attitude and I went off on Clayton too! Just because he got to hot didn’t mean he could just be mean to me! He was doing something that he didn’t have to do! The charge was the same! Clayton called me lazy! Now I was up at 6 a.m I cleaned both bathrooms, washed a load of towels and the bathroom rugs all before I left to give myself love! Plus I made sure that Rose and Papa(Clayton’s dad) were fed. After I got home I folded the towels. But I’m lazy! My BP started dropping from all the nonsense with him and Rose, so I laid down for about 30 minutes with Rose on top of me talking to me the whole time! Clayton tried to tell me that I laid down for 2hrs and had done nothing! I went over the things that I had done that day and told him that his actions were stressing me out and messing with my BP! How can I lay down for two hours when I have a child next to me who won’t stop talking? I mean I just had to get up it was pointless to try to relax. And by the way, Clayton used his dad’s SS check to pay for the pool and the pump. Clayton put a little money with it but it was mostly his dad’s money and no his dad didn’t know! Remember a few post up I was the thief stealing from his dad!
June 29,2020…..A much better weekend than usual. No fight Friday, but we argued with Papa about going to a wedding with us since he has been wondering away. Had a good day until we got home and Clayton got pissy with me. He was trying to keep the pump going(the old one) and the fuzz kept blowing. I had turned the garage light on for a few seconds so I could see to get the dog food and he lost his mind! So I blew up on him and just went to bed! I didn’t need all of that! Between Papa, and helping at the wedding, unloading the car, letting the dogs out and feeding, putting everything away I wasn’t in the mood for his crap! Sunday went pretty good. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I mean I can’t imagine why! But I just kept to myself so not to start unnecessary fights. For some reason I was in the mood for some “afternoon delight” not sure what happened there but, okay. Hoping for more that night but Clayton got mad at me for not helping him with the pump! I mean he didn’t help with supper, or cleaning up after supper, or clean up after his dad. He was to busy outside talking to the neighbor while I was inside busy. Why should I have to do my stuff and his too! He always wants help(basically someone to do for him) but doesn’t want to help me! Needless to say after Rose went to bed, he went to take a bath and I went to bed with a glass of wine! I told him that afternoon he’d screw it up and not only at bedtime! I called it! Then this morning while I was doing my devotion time he called me in the room at 5:45 a.m when it takes him 30 minutes. Heck NO! He leaves the house at 6 and I have to take a shower before I get Rose up! It’s July 4th week so this should go badly! Can’t wait!
July 6,2020…..It’s that time again. We just had a long weekend due to July 4th. Saturday was going good until time to leave to go to my sister Kay’s house. I handed Clayton and Rose stuff and said “go get in the car or jeep I don’t care which one”. I start gathering more things and neither one of them are getting into a ride they are just standing there. I told them to move it my hands are full and we need to load up and go. Clayton starts running his mouth cause the cooler won’t fit in the truck of the car! Well of course it won’t dang! I told him to just put it in the Jeep it was easier and had room. He again starts running his mouth that he’ll just back the car out and put it in the back seat! Okay Clayton whatever! That makes much more sense! I told him I was glad that we could have a weekend without fighting it was so nice! Things are going okay at my sisters. See my family doesn’t like him and he doesn’t like them! So holidays are hard for me! Night fall comes and Rose starts crying and wants Clayton to take her inside. The loud booms hurt her ears! He gets upset that she wants him to sit in the house with her. He’s acting worse than she is! So I made them both come outside and get over it! Kay found some earbuds so Rose could listen to some calming music and that helped! Sunday is here and all is well until we leave to go see my daddy. Clayton gets Rose in the car slams the door on her elbow, she’s crying he’s yelling at her that she’s faking! So I lose my mind! Clayton tells me he doesn’t know what happened cause he wasn’t looking. I told him he is taller than the car and he always slams the door on her! He really does always slams it on her! He’s very hateful tells her to get in then slams the door! He does it every time! I told him all he had to do was ask her if she was okay and say sorry. He thinks if he says sorry to a woman or do something she asks it makes him “her bitch”. I told him his dad must not have respected women because Clayton didn’t and he had to not learn it somewhere! Clayton said he could drop me off at Kay’s house. I said that’s fine with me better than being around you! Then he tells Rose to say good-bye to her mom cause she was never gonna see her again! Of course she lost it started crying, having a panic attack! Of course he didn’t bother to tell either of us that he was sorry for that! Never thought for one minute he really did slam her elbow in the door. Instead he called her a liar! He was just awful! Worse than normal! You don’t tell a 5yr old she’s never going to see her mom again! It’s okay though! God and I had a long talk this morning and He is going to handle it. Enough is enough and He is going to handle the situation and make it better! I’m so past ready for that! I need peace in my heart, mind and home! Rose needs a safe place and a safe life! I need my life back!
July 20,2020….Another awful weekend! Friday night was okay. Rose had two games then she got to swim. Saturday we stayed around the house bought salt for the pool things like that. Clayton was a jerk all day! He didn’t get laid Friday morning due to no time and he was hateful all day! He was hateful every time he spoke to Rose! I told him several times to change his tone. Ask her to do whatever he needs and quit talking hateful! He told me that I was the one that yells at her not him! I pointed out that I will ask her and ask if she’s still not listening yes I will raise my voice. He called me a cunt like ten times in front of her! Told me that he would record me yelling at her and post it on facebook. I told him to go ahead because I’d return that favor and the world would see how he really is to his wife and daughter! Then I was a cunt again! Of course when I start making points about him that he knows are true he gets mad and walks away and I become the thief stealing his dads money and I need to pack my bags and leave! All of this was in front of Rose! All because he didn’t get sex Friday morning!! This is my life every time he doesn’t get sex! I brought to his attention that he always start acting this way when he doesn’t get his way! And he accuses me of things like stealing and cheating when he knows dang well I’m not doing either! He always wants to bring up my past and turn the tables instead of facing his own ugly truth about himself! It’s so exhausting dealing with this over and over week after week! His tire light went off in his car Sunday and he stops on the side of the road to check his tires. I reminded that my tire light had been on and still on and he never has took the time to look at mine and put air in them. Mine even shows which ones are low! He never looked at them! Which shows how much he will look after himself but not his wife and daughter! And I take her with me everyday! You would think he would at least want his daughter safe! So I guess when I get home I’ll do it! I have to stop depending on him, it’s not like I can anyway! I have to go back to the strong independent woman I’ve always been! I’m so over all this mess! Clayton will find out the hard way how blessed he truly is and was! I tried to tell him his blessings he called me a cunt and I left the room!