This story that I’m about to share is something that I had written down back in 2022. I wrote it down because I didn’t want to forget it, and to make sure I shared it.
It was August 8.2022. God had been and is still working on me on how to forgive Clayton in times of anger. To stop fighting with him and just forgive. Which is super hard to do. I’m a fighter! I’ve been working on this a a year now. It hasn’t been going great at all! Well, on August 5th my church had a family night and I asked Clayton to go. When we got there I was a little nervous about watching the movie that they wanted to watch. Clayton doesn’t go to church so he is always ready to leave. Well we watched Jonah. It was a long movie so it felt even longer with Clayton already wanting to leave and me on pins and needles ready to fight at any moment due to him wanting to leave. But that didn’t happen. Clayton got into the movie, and was asking me what Jonah had to do next. I felt like he was just trying to feel out how much longer the movie had to go, but he was actually liking it. When they threw Jonah overboard he asked if he dies. I told him he just had to watch the movie. At the end of the movie Clayton said that was a pretty good. That’s the first Bible story I’ve ever heard!
Saturday morning God woke me telling me that I was a lot like Jonah. The people of Nineveh were fighters and killed people for no reason. They killed Jonah’s dad when he was young. God wanted Jonah to go to Nineveh and give a message to them. Jonah went but not till after he tried to run and hide from God! Jonah fought every step of the way until he was in the belly of the whale. That for sure got his attention. See, God was going to destroy Nineveh if they didn’t change and He was going to give them one more chance. He sent Jonah knowing that Jonah needed to forgive in his heart. The Ninevites became believers, but Jonah had still not forgiven them. God finally spoke to Jonah explaining He’s love for everyone. Jonah finally understood and he forgave them.
Well…I’m a lot like Jonah. I didn’t want to be with an unkind man, or start motherhood all over again. Preston was a Senior in high school, why would I want to start over. I spent hours in the middle of the night crying begging and pleading with God to get me out of this situation. God would show me little things about Rose and that’s why I was there. He removed everything out of my way to show me I was her mom! I mean I left Clayton! Lived in a garage. No car, no way to buy food, no job! God took everything from me and I still fought Him! It took me four months to give in to God’s will for me! God gave me instructions and I wasn’t listening! Like Jonah, when I did finally listen things got better. Kind of, nothing is perfect. I’m still having trouble forgiving Clayton for the wrongs that have been done to me over the years. And like Jonah, God is wanting me to forgive and stop fighting! Clayton is my Nineveh! He had done so many things to hurt and forgiveness is my only way out from the hurt and pain. I’m letting God handle Clayton in His own way. Forgiveness is the only way to heal!
