On 12/17/23 this is how my day started. I wouldn’t have relations with Clayton at 4:30 am because it was time for me to get up and have my devotion time with God. God comes before anything when it’s time to start my day! Clayton gets mad and pouts and then he just turns into a hateful man! This is the path he chose to go down because he was mad about not having sex! So, Clayton had the nerve to tell me how lazy me and Rose are! When Addi won’t put her dirty dishes in the dishwasher or clean up after she cooks a meal!
He is expecting a lot out of a Rose but won’t say a word to Addi the adult kid! It’s not okay and it’s causing a lot of fights between us! This song and dance is getting very old! I’m praying everyday and night for God to step in. I know that God has a plan for my future it’s the waiting that is the hard part! All of this is hurting Rose too! Clayton doesn’t understand the mental health issues he is causing to not only me but Rose as well. I didn’t as a kid or even a young adult but between Haley and Preston they have taught me and my job as taught me a lot about it too. But Clayton is and will always be closed minded! We are hurting and he refuses to listen or even just be there for us.
When Clayton informed me that I’m lazy I don’t cook or clean around the house, that really hurt me! But I assure you that he has a hot meal on the table every night! No I don’t on Friday or Saturday but he is fed! I do clean the house but I’m no longer picking up after people who are old enough to put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher and put their laundry away and not leaving it spread out from the laundry room to the dinning room table! I’m NOT the housekeeper! I have a full time job just like the other grownups in the house! They don’t work all day and then spend the evening picking up after me! Heck when I cook supper NO ONE helps me clean up afterwards! But if Addi cooks she goes and sits down and gets on her phone and Clayton cleans up her mess! But they all disappear when I cook which is pretty much every night! Unless Addi and I plan out what we are having! It’s those types of issues that the devil will cause in a home and relationship! Clayton isn’t saved! And whenever he isn’t getting what he wants he will pout and act like a only child who is spoiled! And when this happens he lets the demons run crazy with lies! Then Clayton starts to lash out at me and say very hurtful things! Which I’m trying to breath and call Jesus’ name and let Him fight that battle for me! And it can be very hard because I do have a smart mouth at times and I’m not going to let anyone talk to me like that!
Some days it’s just hard to do life! We all have our good and bad days! My Preacher said in one of his sermons that we are either on top of the valley or in the valley or coming out the other side of the valley! And y’all…I’m in my valley! Going home after work is an absolute chore! It’s more chaotic than my job! Without God I cannot and will not get out of this valley! So, I’m reprogramming myself so to speak and get back that excitement for God! When you have so much negativity that surrounds your life it’s easy to lose that excitement! Man, the devil works overtime to make you feel like God isn’t with you or that your life is just too much to handle. The devil will tell you two truths and a lie! And I know that I personally will fall for the lie if I’m not careful! The devil and say things like ” It’s a beautiful day outside” (truth), ” Things are going to be okay” (truth) “But God isn’t listening to your struggles” (lie). The devil puts that little seed of doubt in our minds that we aren’t good enough, or it’s okay to be mad at the people who hurt us the most, it’s okay to stay in bed all day and not face the trouble that may come our way! When we are feeling under attack that is when we have to find the strength that God gives us to really push back and call upon the Lord for His help! Let God avenge us! Let God fight that battle that He can win!
