I’ve asked this question to myself many many times! And honestly I never really could answer it. I mean if Clayton loved me then he would respect me and treat me like the men in the Hallmark movies right??? With the kind gestures, always thinking about me first, and all those wonderful things we see in the movies. I mean he was saying that he loved me but his actions were not (and still not) showing me that he really loved me! Clayton cost me my job that I loved, made sure I didn’t have a dime to my name, traded my car and replaced it with one only in his name, kept me away from my friends and tried real hard to kept me from my kids! I sit here now thinking of all the ways he has never shown me the love that I feel like I deserve! That I know I deserve! The answer finally came to me a few weeks ago! Clayton can’t love me! He simply doesn’t know how! No one showed him how to treat others! Women were just objects that cook, clean, care for children and lay down with him whenever he wants! Clayton grew up thinking that everything revolved around him and his feelings, so no one else’s feelings matter to him! He can talk people into doing everything for him and now he thinks that he can treat anyone however he wants!! Most times you find that the people you want to love you don’t, and that’s usually because they don’t love themselves. Or maybe you have found that you can’t love someone because you don’t love yourself. I know that I didn’t love myself! That wasn’t hard to figure out! I thought that I deserved the way Clayton was treating me! I thought all the bad I did in my past was the reason that I was being treated so poorly! But ya know….that simply just isn’t true! That was Satan creeping in telling me lies! A man or woman can’t love anyone if they have never been shown how to. And men or women can’t love anyone else if they don’t love themselves! It is so important to love yourself! To know your worth! You have to start with yourself before you can truly love a partner! God has shown me so much over the past 3 years! How to love not only myself but helping me love Clayton even through all the nonsense he puts me through! Putting God first in my life has truly been a blessing to me! When I think of all the things that Jesus went through because He loved the world it really turns things around for me! My thinking and my actions! If you don’t have God in your life please find Him! It’s not hard! Someone out there that you know can help you or I can help too! Feel free to reach out!!
Does he even love me?
