Fall is slowly approaching and so that means a traveling fair is coming to every town across the US. For my family it means picking a night to walk around the booths and let the kids ride all the rides! Something we’ve done my whole life. To Clayton it’s just wasted money and a chance for me to run into an ex and possibly cheat. Now although I’ve never cheated on Clayton, he holds my past choices against me. The things I did when I was young and when I was given up on by others. People giving up on you is not an excuse to cheat but unfortunately for me it was a learned behavior.
The fair starts off with a town parade a few days before. The same day as the parade is also an early hunt. I told him that after we get back from the deer stand if we got back in time I wanted to go. My baby nephew who lives out of state was suppose to be there I wanted see him and his mom. Of course Clayton starts pouting and acting like he’s on his death bed. I thought it was because he thought I was trying to cut our time in the stand short, and I wasn’t. I explained to him that I hadn’t said anything to Rose due to knowing her well enough she would start trying to cut the hunt short and I wasn’t trying to start fights. Clayton wouldn’t get up and get ready. I explained several times that if we can go then great if she kills one and we can’t then it’s okay to. Like I’m really trying to get him to understand that our plans are more important.
He finally gets up and he’s just being mean. He’s snapping at us and I’m asking him what he needs help with, what does he want me to pack more snacks for him and he’s just not giving me an answer and just being awful. I said okay Clayton we won’t go at all to the parade! I just wanted to see the baby! He says to me ” Do you know how many people show up to this?” Then it hit me! He wasn’t at all mad thinking that I was putting my family first, he’s afraid that I’ll end up seeing an ex! In a town of 30,000 people who line up on the main street over mile long and he thinks my ex is going to find me and actually want to talk to me! I mean if my ex saw my family I promise he’d go the other way! And he sure doesn’t want to see me nor me them! Clayton just doesn’t get that, that part of my life is over and I don’t want that for myself any more. I’ve told Clayton this a million times! It all comes down to no trust or love!
I’ve done so much growing over the last five years and although Clayton says he sees it, he truly doesn’t or he would not have gotten so upset! It’s just not okay! I missed out on time with my family and Rose did to all because Clayton refuses to grow with me and have some trust in me after all we’ve been through! It just hurts me! And he doesn’t care that it hurts me nor does he want to hear that he is wrong and that he needs to trust me. I can’t talk to him about any of my feelings due to it turning into a huge unnecessary fight! When two people love each other they should be able to have a sit down chat about how they are feeling without the other getting mad, or bringing up the past that they weren’t even a part of. Clayton likes to bring up my past before he was in my life or even knew me. He likes to bring up “hear say” things he heard about me that aren’t true yet he believes the person who said over the person that lived it.
